Left behind and lonely

My boyfriend has recently gone to college, but I'm still at school. We now live about an hour's drive away and the distance is getting too much for me to bear. I really love him, but he's out partying a lot these days and it seems that I'm not his number one priority anymore.

I cry every night and am always jealous of the thought that he's hanging out with girls at college. Right before he left we had sex for the first time, which is also when I lost my virginity. This makes me feel even more emotional. I don't want to break up with him, but it seems like it's my only option. What do you think?

It's understandable that you're feeling sad and missing your boyfriend. Long distance relationships are problematic for many reasons, particularly because communicating with each other is often much trickier than when you see each other regularly. Often, this can be because it's easy to misinterpret emails and phone conversations in the absence of facial expressions or body language.

Having sex for the first time can be a very significant and intimate experience, so it's also understandable that you're feeling particularly emotionally vulnerable at the moment.

The reality of what your boyfriend is going through may not be quite as exciting as you imagine, but the point is that you don't know what he's getting up to so you're worried. Communication is vital in any relationship, so the best way to find out whether he's still keen to continue having a relationship with you - or if there's any real need for you to be concerned - is to talk to him.  

It might be best to discuss the situation when you're face-to-face, to ensure there'll be as little chance for misunderstanding as is possible. Let him know you're finding it hard to be apart and that although you want him to have a brilliant time, you're also feeling jealous of the fun he seems to be having and insecure about how things stand between you. If it turns out that he'd rather not be tied down in a relationship at the moment, you'll obviously be very sad and disappointed, but at least you'll know where you stand and can begin to move on with your life without him.

It could also be a good idea to go out as much as you can with your own friends. Simply having people around you may distract you from worrying about your boyfriend. Plus, it will help to boost your confidence as well as remind you that there is a world outside him. It may be helpful to confide in your friends about your feelings, too, as they might be able to offer valuable support and advice. If you don't feel able to talk about this to friends or family, there are people out there who can help and who will listen. You could call Supportline, a confidential telephone counselling service on 020 8554 9004 or email info@supportline.org.uk.

Updated: 12/01/2009

Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors