Give the boy a bone
Question
I've been with my girlfriend for a few months now. I would jump at the chance to have sex with her, but at the moment I'm just thrilled to spend time with her. The problem is, when I'm with her I keep getting erections, even though I'm not thinking about sex. I don't want her to think that I just want to get in bed with her. Is there anything I can do?
Answer
It sounds as if you and your girlfriend are in a mutually satisfying relationship. You enjoy spending time with her, and you find her sexy too. All in all, it sounds like you're on to a good thing.
The problem is, because you find your girlfriend physically attractive - which is a good thing, of course - you've been getting spontaneous erections. You might not even be thinking of sex when, all of a sudden, you find yourself with an erection. Not only is this inconvenient and uncomfortable for you, it's likely that it causes you a great deal of embarrassment. The fact that you're concerned that it might give your girlfriend the wrong message shows how much you respect her. Sure, you would love nothing more than the chance to make love to her - and maybe you will one day - but it's good that isn't the signal you want to be sending out to her right now.
The thing to keep in mind, though, is that you cannot control your penis. During adolescence, when your hormones are in free fall, it is extremely common for a guy to experience out-of-the-blue erections. They can happen when you're thinking of something erotic, such as having sex with your girlfriend. But, as is often the case, they can also occur when you're thinking of something more mundane, like what to have for lunch. Erections during this stage of your life can be random, and there's not a great deal you can do to control them.
The good news is that although you can't control your erections, you can camouflage them. On the days you know you'll be seeing your girlfriend, you might want to wear a pair of baggy trousers paired with a long, loose-fitting shirt. You might also consider wearing more constricting briefs rather than boxers, to keep your penis under wraps (some guys even wear two pairs of briefs or even an athletic supporter to restrain unwanted erections). Masturbating before you see her might also control matters, and bring some much needed relief.
It's understandable that you've been feeling embarrassed, uncomfortable and annoyed with your spontaneous erections, but what you're going through is normal. If nothing else, it shows that your body is in full working order, performing exactly as it should.
Two books on the subject that you might find helpful are: What's Happening to My Body? by Lynda Madaras (Newmarket Press) and Living With a Willy, by Nick Fisher (Pan McMillan). Also, if you'd like to speak to someone in confidence about what's going on, you could contact Sexwise, a free helpline on 0800 282930 for young people aged 12-18, which offers advice and guidance on sexuality and sexual health issues. Brook also offers free, confidential sex advice and contraception (perhaps for later use) - you can call the helpline on 0800 0185 023 or visit your nearest centre.
Updated: 03/12/2007
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
