Flirt hurt
Question
I split up with my boyfriend a couple of months ago because we rowed about me flirting with one of his friends. We've just got back together but I'm really worried about the situation.
We see his friend quite a lot now we're back together and I hate it. I just can't face seeing him and it always causes tension with my boyfriend because of the whole flirting thing.
On top of this I hardly ever see any of my mates as my boyfriend isn't keen on them. I just don't know what to do about it. How can I stop this bloke hanging out with us and getting in the way of our relationship?
Answer
It seems as if your boyfriend may have been a little manipulative in the way you're currently feeling. You say that you were flirting with his friend, but that could be your boyfriends view of things and not what really happened.
Either way, dumping you seems to be an over-reaction to the situation, and one that understandably shook you to the core. In many ways, it gave him the upper hand when it came to renegotiating your relationship, and the result doesn't seem as healthy as it could be. The way you've reacted to seeing his friend again, someone who really hasn't committed a crime of any kind, shows the unresolved issues that are still floating around.
It'd be a good idea to consider asking yourself why you can't face seeing this guy any more. Is it because you're genuinely sorry for 'flirting' or worried that your boyfriend will react negatively once again? You need to have an honest chat with your boyfriend about the situation, and broaden it out to talk about your lives outside the relationship. If he doesn't want to make an effort with your friends that's fine, but frankly he has no right to stop you from making an effort with his mates, especially if they call round the house.
Only you can decide on the best way forward for this romance, but it certainly sounds like you could benefit from getting back in touch with your independence. Spending time with friends might just be the confidence boost you need. It'll offer you a much needed chance to breathe outside the relationship and an opportunity to question if it's really making you happy.
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