Fling spin
Question
I've been with my boyfriend for five years but recently I've been having a fling on the side. The sex is great but I still come home to my boyfriend every night. Does this mean I don't love my boyfriend? I don't know whether we should break up or try and work things out.
Answer
Only you can know if you love your boyfriend and decide whether you should end the relationship. However, the way you are acting suggests that the relationship isn't making you happy or satisfying you. After all, there must be a reason why you're cheating on him.
The only way to sort this out is to be absolutely honest with yourself. Think about why you're having the affair. OK, so the sex is great, but is there anything wrong with the sex with your boyfriend? And if there is, could you try to fix it? And do you want to try? Do you have fun with your boyfriend, do things together, do you talk, can you see yourself with him in the future? If not, would you be better off leaving and being on your own until you find someone that you want to be with?
Five years is a long time to be with someone. By now you must know if the relationship works. Or are you staying with your boyfriend out of fear of being alone? If so, is this really fair on him? There must be a reason why you come home to him every night - but is it for security, or because you enjoy his company?
Are you perhaps hoping that your boyfriend might find out about the affair so you don't have to make a decision yourself? Be aware that he will be extremely hurt if he finds out. Would you really want to hurt him in this way?
Sometimes, relationships don't work out. It doesn't mean you've failed and there's no shame in admitting it. But how can you really know while you're having an affair with someone else? Perhaps the fairest thing to do would be to end the affair and then concentrate completely on your relationship with your boyfriend. Only then will you be able to decide if you really want to be with him. Whether or not you admit the affair is up to you. However, if the thought of ending the affair and just being with your boyfriend terrifies you, it speaks volumes and suggests that in your heart you know that being with your boyfriend is not what you want.
Unfortunately there are so many questions here and so few answers. But in the end, only you can decide what you want. The key is to be honest with yourself.
Updated: 13/12/2005
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
