Delayed reaction
Question
I'm frustrated by how long it takes me to orgasm, even masturbating takes over half an hour of constant stimulation. My boyfriend is very open to suggestions, but not very experienced and I've only cum with him once. We've masturbated together and I help him to touch me in the way I like but it still takes ages. How can we learn to make things quicker? Should I try more oral sex or a vibrator?
Answer
The first thing you can try to do is relax and stop worrying, feeling calm and not fretting will actually help you reach orgasm quicker. Although orgasms are physical, they're also affected by our feelings, worries and thoughts. The brain is one of the biggest human sexual organs.
It's also worth remembering that, from what you say, you're perfectly normal. Some women reach orgasm in a few seconds or minutes, others take hours of stimulation and many don't reach it at all. A few women can even orgasm in their dreams, without being touched. Everybody's experience is different.
Stop thinking of your orgasm as a goal you have to rush to, or as work, and just lie back and enjoy the pleasurable feelings. The less you worry about your orgasm, the quicker you're likely to reach it. And don't worry about making your boyfriend touch you for 40 minutes. Far from being a chore, he probably enjoys it. But if he senses you're not comfortable or are anxious, he'll feel anxious and pressured and worry he can't please you.
Oral sex might make you reach orgasm quicker, but once again, only if you're totally relaxed. One thing that might help is fantasising, about whatever or whoever you like. Not only will this help to turn you on more, it will take your mind off your perceived problems reaching orgasm.
You're already doing all the right things: you have experimented alone and with your boyfriend, talked to your boyfriend about what you like and shown him where to touch you. Now just enjoy yourselves. Reaching orgasm is not a goal to work towards, it's a lovely climax to a whole experience, an added bonus.
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