Crushed
Question
I'm 19 and I experienced my first all-consuming crush on a girl recently. Just last week I managed to talk to her in private after a lecture we have together and I told her how I feel. What I didn't know is that she's already in a relationship. She told me so, and although she admired my courage in telling her how I feel we agreed to just be friends.
The thing is, since then it's been really awkward between us and I'm finding it really difficult to move on. It really, really hurts.
I want her to know that I've moved on, and I want her to feel there is no need to worry when she talks to me. And I want to feel the same way. How do I cope with this?
Answer
It's important you remember that not only did you take a risk by telling this girl how you feel, you didn't let the rejection destroy you. It undoubtedly hurt a lot to be told she had a boyfriend, but you didn't let that stop you from taking the next step of wanting to be her friend. You were honest and brave, and you faced a difficult situation well.
Knowing this, however, does not change the way you're feeling right now. You revealed your feelings to this girl, and it didn't turn out the way you had planned. That's a bitter pill to swallow. The important thing to keep in mind, though, is that you have absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed about. You took a risk which didn't pan out, but that shouldn't stop you from trying again.
Considering the fact that you see this girl regularly, it's understandable you're finding it hard to move on. Although you want to show her you've moved on the message it likely to have a hollow ring at the moment. After all, she can probably sense your discomfort. That might explain why she's been acting awkwardly around you. She probably feels dreadful about hurting you, and seeing you in pain will only intensify those feelings her feelings of regret and sadness.
It might help to take an honest look at how you're feeling now, and how you plan to deal with your feelings. Are you really happy being just friends with her? If you're not, it might be a good idea to put a bit of distance between you for the time being. A bit of time and space could help your emotional wounds to heal.
Finally, talking about how you feel with trusted friends and family members might also be helpful. If speaking to someone outside your immediate circle of family and friends feels more comfortable for you, you might want to contact SupportLine, a telephone helpline providing emotional support to any person on any issue, on 020 8554 9004.
Updated: 17/11/2005
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
