First date fears
Question
I've met a boy and I think he's the one for me, but the problem is that I'm really shy when we talk. This usually happens around all boys. I have a date with him soon and I'm scared he will hate me if I completely ignore him. I'm also worried about how to snog. If I don't boost my confidence, how will I ever get a boyfriend?
Answer
First dates are daunting enough, but when we really like the other person we get even more nervous, which can make us worry that the other person won't like us. Most people suffer from the same anxieties you describe, but some people are better than others at hiding their fears. Fortunately there are lots of things you can do to manage your nerves to make this date a success and increase the chances of seeing this boy again.
Firstly, you should take confidence from the fact you actually have a date with this boy. He obviously likes you enough to want to get to know you better. Secondly, you should give yourself more credit because you know more about dating than you think. For example, you are right that he won't like you if you ignore him. And you are right that it will be more difficult to get a boyfriend if you continue being too scared to open up and be yourself. So instead of worrying about whether he likes you or not, focus your attention on managing your nerves for your date.
Remind yourself that it's totally normal to be nervous and your date will also share the same sense of anxiety. You can reduce the pressure on yourself by thinking about when and where to meet. For example, you could meet for informal lunch or a coffee instead of three-course dinner. That way you know you only have to think of conversation for an hour what's more, if you both have a great time, you can carry on all afternoon.
Before you meet, think of some different topics of conversation in case both of you experience a nervous silence at the start. Make sure you're not the one doing all the talking. Instead ask him questions to show you're interested in getting to know him better. And don't put yourself down or exaggerate when he asks you about yourself. One of the most attractive qualities we can have is to be positive and happy about ourselves, instead of self-loathing or at the other extreme big-headed and cocky. Fortunately, there are many more dating tips out there to guide you.
As for snogging, again the first kiss is stressful for everyone. While there are some tips that might help you, ultimately the best snogging happens when you are relaxed and enjoying being with someone. Quite simply, if you've spent time in his company to the point where you feel totally at ease with one another, that kiss could happen without any prompt or effort from either of you. So, hard as it seems now, aim to relax about your date and let events take their course.
Updated: 06/06/2011
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
