I see myself as a sexual guy, but even though I'm 21 I haven't had many sexual relationships and have never had a serious girlfriend. Recently, I've met a couple of girls I liked, but they both blew me off. I haven't had sex in over a year and I'm starting to wonder if I should use an escort service. I've found a woman that has a fair rate and as I have some time to myself and I was wondering if I should use this woman. Would it make me feel more confident around women or just make things worse?
Although it might feel like you’re inexperienced with women, try to remember that loads of people have not had much sex by the time they’re 21. In fact, more people are virgins at 21 than you could possibly imagine. So, please try not to pressurise yourself by imaging that everyone is getting plenty of sex except you as that’s definitely not true.
Many men do pay for sex at some point in their lives. Some find this a useful experience. It can help them feel better about themselves and boost their confidence because they are having sex. But there are always dangers involved in paying for sex. For a start, many people feel that there is a stigma attached to this – so they can’t ever tell friends or family that they indulge in this way. Some feel guilty and always regret having had ‘professional’ sex. Also, there are dangers of catching sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and of being taken for a ride financially.
Of course, it’s difficult to know how you will feel or what your experience will be like unless you try it. In this sense, it might be better to explore other options before committing to something that you might not find enjoyable. Either way, no one else can tell you how you will feel about paying for sex, so ultimately the decision has to be yours.
Do consider that a year is not a long time in terms of not having sex – though it obviously feels like it. Often, people go through phases when they just don’t fancy the right people, or the right people don’t fancy them.
And, is it possible that your wish to have sex is so great – and there is also so much anxiety attached to this for you – that you are not giving out the right signals to women? If they feel that you want them purely for sex, they are unlikely to be very flattered by that.
Maybe a good way forward would be to set yourself a target of doubling the number of women you know socially, and then of trying to get to know these women well. This would involve being interested in them as people, talking to them and trying to find out what makes them tick. This kind of social interaction is something that women appreciate – and for most people this is a very good prelude to later sexual activity.
If you don’t know many women, then how could you meet more? Sometimes the workplace is a good area for this kind of communication. Or you can set out to meet more female friends or relatives of your male friends, or maybe you would benefit from meeting women who share your interests. Join a club or evening class that interests you; most of us meet our romantic partners through work or through the interests we have.
It may be that you have loads of female friends. If that is so, it would probably be a good idea to try to get to know them better, to be a good listener and be interested in them. You never know, it may lead to much more.
It is also worth remembering that people may go into prostitution for a number of reasons, some by choice, but others may have been forced, trafficked or compelled by a drug addiction. If you can find out what and who your money is going to before you pay for a prostitute, then you can be more confident that she is safe.
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