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Giving her good head

The days of one-sided lovin' are over. With TheSite.org's secrets to giving and receiving great head, you can both enjoy oral sex.

Girl with head on pillow

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Oral sex advice for the giver:

  • Easy tiger
    Don’t just go barging in down there. Take your time, and make sure you are both feeling turned on before you venture south. If you aren’t used to giving head, don’t expect to bring her to a climax in seconds flat. And if you have bad stubble on your chin, forget it; no girl wants razor burns in such a sensitive place.
  • Ask what she likes
    You don’t necessarily have to go down on her for several hours – just a few minutes of oral sex can do wonders for your foreplay. Ask her what feels good and if there’s anything that would make it better. Make sure you are both in a comfortable position, or you’ll end up with an unsexy crick in your neck.
  • No magic formulas
    Every female is different. There is no point in rigidly following those ‘Ten Easy Steps to Give Her an Oral Orgasm’ articles in lads’ mags. It isn’t like an exam, with right and wrong answers. Sometimes you have to experiment to see what works for both of you.
  • Start gently
    Many women say that oral sex gives them more stimulation than penetration. So remember to take it easy and avoid being rough, especially to begin with. Look where you are going too. Gently part the outer lips of the vagina and look for the vaginal opening, and the hooded clitoris above it. These are the most pleasurable areas to stimulate, and are the key to giving the best head. Thrusting a tongue in and out of the vagina might feel good for a moment or two, but it won’t be enough to tip her over the edge.
  • Work it
    Try kissing and licking anywhere between her thighs to turn her on. Move on to the clitoris, starting with gentle licking or sucking. Get her to tell you what motion feels the best, what speed and what pressure turn her on the most. Try it with a relaxed, soft tongue, and change to a firmer, pointed tongue. Some women love an up-and-down licking motion, others like it to go from side to side (like a windscreen wiper), and others still like a circular or pressing-down motion.
  • Patience, patience
    When you have found something that works well, keep on doing it! Take a break if you need one, but avoid stopping suddenly because it can be very frustrating for the woman. Ask if she wants you to use your fingers as well. If she says ‘yes’, make sure they are wet before you start moving them around on her clit or inside her.
  • Practice makes perfect
    Even if you are both very experienced lovers, it can take a long time to bring the woman to orgasm, so don’t stress out, and keep practicing if that’s what you’re aiming for. It’s worth the effort, and she will most likely be happy to return the favour.

Oral sex advice for the receiver:

  • Relax
    If you spend lots of time giving him oral sex, it’s only fair that he should do something pleasant for you too. It’s your turn to be spoiled, so just relax and enjoy it.
  • Keep it clean
    By clean, we mean having a daily shower and using unperfumed mild soap. A healthy vagina has a natural mild musky smell, but don’t let pathetic playground stories upset you. It doesn’t smell like rotting fish down there, so don’t feel self-conscious.
  • Play fair
    If you want your man to go down on you, just ask him to. If you feel a bit shy, try getting into bed upside down – he’ll probably get the message. If he really isn’t in the mood, or the idea upsets him, just respect his decision and don’t try to force the issue. There is nothing wrong with having oral sex during a period, but a lot of men really don’t like doing it at that time of the month.
  • Communicate
    Let him know how much you like what he’s doing. If he hasn’t quite got the hang of it, gently suggest a different way of doing things, and be sure to tell him when he’s getting it right.

Oral sex safety

Remember, it’s not just penetrative sex that transfers STIs. You can catch chlamydia, herpes, syphilis and gonorrhoea from having unprotected oral sex. The HPV virus, which can cause warts and (though rarely) cancer, can also be caught from having oral sex. Make sure you’re protected and practice safe oral sex by using a condom or dental dam.

Next Steps

  • Visit Madly in Love to discuss mental health and relationships, share stories and get support and advice.
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Updated on 07-Aug-2014

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