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Fingering a girl

There's more to fingering than shoving your fingers inside her vagina and thrusting away like a jackhammer. Here's how to touch a girl in a way she'll thank you for.

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Girls are often accused of being so complicated ‘down there’ that you need a map and a torch to locate anything. Let us take you by the hand and guide you in the right direction.

Get to know her vulva (and vagina)

Beaver, pussy, hoo-hah, or vag… whatever you call it it’s made up of two Vs: vulva and vagina. The bit you see on the outside (pubes, labia, clitoris) is the vulva. It’s packed with nerve endings that enjoy being stroked, tweaked, rubbed – even pinched.

The vagina is the inside canal. It runs between the opening in the vulva up to her cervix and apparently has a G-spot tucked inside. It likes being penetrated, but for most women penetration alone won’t result in an orgasm.

There are, however, many ways of stimulating this pleasure dome. Some women enjoy clitoral contact, others like having their labia touched, the outside pubic bone massaged, G-spot tapped or two or more fingers inserted into their vagina. The fun part is finding out what your lady enjoys.

Pre-fingering checklist

Before you dive in hand first, make sure she’s totally up for it, as not all girls like to be fingered. This could be down to many reasons – a bad experience, issues with hygiene, trust and even fear. Don’t push it; respect her reasoning and let her take the lead.

Fingering works best if a woman is really turned on and wet. It can be very uncomfortable, and even painful, if she’s not. She’ll also appreciate clean hands and short nails. You’re playing with a highly sensitive area that won’t respond favorably to scratches.

Get into position. Try lying parallel to her and reach your arm over her body until your fingers can reach her lady parts. It’s essential you’re both comfortable.

Remember, every girl’s different, so good communication is essential. If you’re feeling a bit nervous just ask her what she likes – or better still, ask to see a demo. A show-and-tell sesh can be very sexy for both of you.

Ready for some finger play?

Whoa there neddy. Don’t just plunge your hands into her pants. Let her invite you in. Gently caress her inner thigh until she spreads her legs.

“Work your way from the outside in. Be gentle, rub the outside of her lips before venturing into her inner folds,” says Jordan LaRousse and Samantha Sade, authors of Clit-ology: Master Every Move from A to G-spot to Give Her Ultimate Pleasure. “Go slowly and explore, gently sweep your finger along the middle of her vulva and know that most women come from stimulation of the clitoris, not stimulation of the inside of the vagina.”

Touching a clitoris

Packed with 8000 nerve endings – that’s more then the entire penis – for most women the clitoris is orgasm HQ. This little pink bean sits at the top of the vagina protected by the clitoral hood.

To start, run your lubed finger round the outside, and then back down over the opening to her vagina. Do this several times before running your finger over the top of the clitoris. “Be gentle with the clitoris. Touch softly, and try different motions, such as a light flick, tiny circles, and very gentle pinches,” says Jordan and Samantha.

All women vary in their sensitivity; work out which techniques work best then increase the pressure and movement. Be guided by her actions. Moaning is good, leg jerking isn’t. Ask her how she likes it, softer? Harder? Faster? Slower? She’ll appreciate your attentiveness.

Touching a girl inside her vagina

Assuming you’re picking up the right vibes, push one finger inside her vagina two thirds of the way in. SLOWLY. Make sure she’s sufficiently lubricated, as inserting fingers into a dry vagina can be pretty painful.

Draw your finger in and out a few times before curling it into a ‘come here’ motion inside to find the G-spot. Located 2-3ins up the vagina, pointing towards her bellybutton, it feels different to the rest of the skin (slightly spongier), so you’ll know when you’ve found it. Rub in steady, circular motions or gently tap. Again, be guided by her actions.

If you’re not sure you’ve found it go back to the clitoris. It’s a safer bet.

Inside and outside fingering

Feeling confident? If you want to blow her mind, combine two methods.

“Use the fingers of one hand to gently stimulate her clitoris as you use the fingers of the other hand to reach inside and gently stroke the G-Spot,” says Jordan and Samantha. “Ask her how she likes it, she may want you to go faster, harder or slower. If she enjoys having her G-spot stroked, the simultaneous stimulation will drive her absolutely wild!”

Words of warning…

While some women take a nanosecond to reach orgasm, for others it requires a bit more time. If you’ve got cramp switch hands, try a different technique, change to oral, or go back to more foreplay. You can always use a sex toy, too.

If you’ve rubbed the same spot for ages and it’s not happening just stop and try something else. Too much friction can actually numb her genitals. If this happens an orgasm is virtually impossible.

It’s not a disaster; it’s about trial and error. Remember, this is something you should both enjoy, not endure.

Next Steps

    • Got a question about friends, dating, love or family life? Ask one of our trained advisors. This service is free and totally confidential.
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    • Need help but confused where to go locally? Download our StepFinder iPhone app to find local support services quickly.

By Nicola Scott

Updated on 24-Apr-2014

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