She ain't heavy

My friends and I are worried about one of our other friends. She always makes comments about how heavy she is, yet we feel that she's lost a severe amount of weight and isn't eating much food. How could we encourage her to eat more and let her know she isn't overweight?

Understandably, you seem very concerned about the weight your friend has lost recently, and the way she continues to describe herself as 'heavy'. It must also be worrying to see she isn't eating much food at the moment.

Unfortunately, it's impossible to force someone to eat if they don't want to. The reasons behind your friend's weight loss could be related to her physical health, or there could be underlying psychological reasons. It's good to hear you and your other friends are there to reassure and encourage her. Simply being there to listen, without judgement, could prove helpful. It's difficult to know what to do to help sometimes, but maybe if she were able to express her thoughts and feelings to you, you would be able to develop a better understanding of her situation, enabling you to support her more effectively.

There is a lot of pressure from the media and society to look a certain way, with an emphasis on 'thinness'. Such distorted ideals are generally a far cry from reality, but for some people who may be experiencing low self-esteem and confidence, the pressure can become overwhelming. They may find themselves developing complex issues surrounding their self-image and in particular, their weight and eating habits.

Unhealthy relationships with food can also begin when food is used to cope with difficult feelings, such as boredom, anxiety, anger, loneliness, shame or sadness. Some people use food to ease painful situations or feelings, or to relieve stress, perhaps without even realising it. When food begins to rule a person's life, their relationship with food can become dangerously unstable. This may develop into an eating disorder.

It's hard to say whether or not your friend is experiencing an eating disorder, but it would be wise if you could encourage her to get a professional opinion. If you feel it may be necessary at this stage, you might like to know the first step to accessing professional treatment is by a local doctor (GP) . They should be able to explore the options available and make a referral on to more specialist services. Perhaps it would be helpful to offer to go with your friend, for extra support.

For support and information about eating and weight issues, you, or your friend, might like to contact the Eating Disorders Association helpline on 0845 634 7650. They also have an extensive website, full of information, and support networks, including a message board. Sometimes it helps to talk to others who share a similar experience. So it may be worth letting your friend know about this website.

Has your friend spoken to you about how she is feeling at the moment, or mentioned her change in eating habits? If not, perhaps you could find a time when the two of you won't be interrupted to broach the subject. Or perhaps a talking therapy, such as counselling, would benefit her further. A trained counsellor or therapist will be able to assist her in identifying any underlying issues she may have, which could be contributing to her situation. These may include elements of control, low self-esteem, depression, or, perhaps, family or relationship problems. Again, the Eating Disorders Association or your friend's GP will be able to provide you with further details of local services.

Updated: 04/12/2007

Question answered by SANE