A friend in need
Question
A friend of mine is clearly depressed but won't admit to it. He won't go to work and spends all day sitting around doing nothing. Both his family and I have tried to get him to speak to someone about it but he just says there's nothing wrong.
He won't open up to any of us about his feelings so I don't know how to help him. How can I convince him to get help?
Answer
It sounds like you're extremely concerned about your friend, which is understandable, given his situation. Although you and his family have tried encouraging him to seek help, his behaviour suggests he isn't ready to open up and talk about how he is feeling. This must be frustrating for you given the fact you all care for him so much.
Depression can be very debilitating and isolating. If it is depression your friend is experiencing, it's good that you and his family are showing your concern for him and are offering support and help.
The first step towards receiving professional support would be for him to speak to his local doctor (GP) about his situation. There are a number of ways of treating depression both with and without medication. His GP will be able to discuss the medical and talking treatment options available, such as antidepressants or cognitive behaviour therapy. His doctor should also be able to refer your friend on to an appropriate counselling service or he could try contacting the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) if he wishes to seek this form of support independently. You may have already done so, but perhaps it would be worth offering to accompany him, as a means of extra support.
Sometimes opening up to family and friends about depression can help, so it is understandable you and his family are trying to coax him into doing so. But if your friend is depressed he may feel uncomfortable discussing this with anyone he knows, even his GP. Some people prefer to keep things from those they are close to for fear of upsetting them.
Caring for your friend, as you indicate in your message, may make you feel quite helpless, but remember that sometimes just having someone there to reassure and talk to can be the greatest help of all. It sounds possible your friend is feeling de-motivated, so it might be worth trying to engage him in activities he once enjoyed or discuss what he would ideally like to do. Again, reassuring him you are there to assist him achieve any of his goals may be enough to initiate some progress.
Unfortunately, there is only so much encouragement you can provide because ultimately, your friend needs to recognise any underlying issues himself before he can embark on seeking any treatment. If he isn't keen to speak to close friends or family, or his GP, there are other organisations and support groups that can provide help. Depression Alliance provides advice and support to those affected by depression. Their website is full of useful information, publications and access to a national network of self help groups.
Or maybe he would prefer talking to someone he doesn't know on the phone. Your friend might like to consider talking in confidence and without judgement to SANELINE on 0845 767 8000. Their helpline is available to anyone experiencing a mental health issue. You (and his family) might also like to consider calling SANELINE to talk through the situation and get more information and support for yourselves.
Updated: 04/12/2007
Question answered by SANE
