Community: Real Life

Never forgive a cheater


Sam

Sam is all the way from America and has been interning for Youthnet and TheSite.org over the summer.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater," says Sam. You should never forgive infidelity...or forget.

If your guy can get away with cheating on you, what can't he get away with?  In the past I've been cheated on and learnt the hard way it's easier to just let him go. But a couple of my friends haven't learned this lesson yet. Both have been cheated on and both have forgiven their boyfriends. To say this frustrates me is a huge understatement. There's nothing worse than talking to your friend for hours about what a jerk their boyfriend is, only to have them running back to them. I believe that girls shouldn't forgive their boyfriends after they cheat because sometimes lines just need to be drawn and standards set.

Firstly, by forgiving your boyfriend, you're showing him that he can get away with pretty much anything. You're basically sending the message that you love him enough to put up with whatever nonsense he decides to pull. You might be thinking, "But he's been so nice since it happened." Hello? Wake up and smell the coffee! It's called arse-kissing and it won't last. Once he thinks he's safe, things will quickly return to the way they were if not worse.

Forgiving your boyfriend for cheating is hard enough, but forgetting is even harder. Imagine this - it's been months since you forgave him and now it's 3am and he's not answering your texts. Your paranoia after his indiscretion can lead to panic attacks, tears and more worries about what he's up to. The fact is, after he cheats you're not going to trust him the way you did, if at all. Forgiveness can take a long time, and some guys won't have the patience for how long it will take. They may get tired of waiting for you to move on long before you're ready to. 

The most ridiculous part to me is staying with someone 'cause you don't think there's anyone else who will have you. I'm so sick of hearing my amazing friends, who've been cheated on and treated terribly, saying they're scared they'll never find anyone else as good. How great could this sack of crap be if he did this to someone as wonderful as you? However I won't be a total hypocrite. I'll admit that I have been there and done that. But trust me when I say, there are plenty of better balls in the court to play with. 

"How great could this sack of crap be if he did this to someone as wonderful as you?"

"But what if he finds someone first?"

Good. Let him. And feel sorry for the poor girl. Because ladies, sadly enough it's been proved over and over that once a cheater, always a cheater.  I've found boys are able to find new girlfriends faster than us. Whether this is because guys are less picky, or girls take longer to recover, I'm not sure. Either way, the break up will still be for the better. This will be proven when, in two years time, you're in a great relationship with someone you really trust - and don't even want to stalk his Facebook.

Yes boys, I am aware that girls cheat too. So far I've only dealt with girlfriends getting cheated on and have yet to experience the same with my guy pals. When I do run into this issue, I'll be sure to rant about that as well. It works the same both ways.

Overall, I believe if your man is a cheat you should try and let him go - even if it's hard. It will hurt. A lot. But the cheating bastard has already hurt you so why not just deal with all the pain at once? What your mum said was true: if you don't respect yourself, who will? In any relationship you have to decide what you will or won't put up with and stick to your guns. It's important to stand up for yourself, defend yourself, and love yourself (even more than you love the cheating fool).

Updated: 09/09/2011


  • Print this page
  • Share/Bookmark

Also on TheSite.org