Green bedroom
Save the environment from your bedroom with a few simple steps.
A passion for houseplants
They're affordable and they look nice. What's more, they'll purify the air in your bedroom, countering the stink of endless farts and abandoned socks. Houseplants don't just produce oxygen; they filter out pollutants and toxins, add moisture to the air and reduce the incidence of allergies. If you're really green, go for cheese plants - not just groovy Seventies retro, but regarded as one of the most effective natural room purifiers.
Ditch the electric blanket
On average, an electric blanket burns 24 kilowatts of electricity per month. That's the equivalent of running eight deep fat fryers for the same period; so consider how much poor, innocent fuel has to be sacrificed at the power station just to keep you cosy. It may be tempting to switch on your blanket before bedtime, but there are plenty of more eco-friendly ways to warm up in between the sheets (do we have to go into detail?).
Stop the clocks
75 kilowatts may not be much compared to your electric blanket, but it's still drawing juice from the National Grid. What's more, consider the magnetic waves coming off it as you lie there toasty warm. There's no need to be alarmed, so to speak, because the level in question won't be sufficient to have a massive impact on health. Even so, if you want to be eco-aware then invest in a wind-up clock while reviewing your power cable arrangements. In short, don't go sleeping with your head right next to a six-way splitter with plugs so hot you can't touch them.
Lose the PVC gear
It might be a standard feature in sexual wardrobe, but PVC is a synthetic material and there is some concern that the use of chlorine in the production process can be harmful to the environment. Why? Because chlorine isn't easily broken down into biodegradable elements. So if you're going to get kinky, at least make it leather - and from livestock that's had a happy, fulfilling existence.
Banish mothballs
Not just harmful to moths, but potentially bad for the environment, too. Naphthalene, the main component of mothballs, is a white solid that occurs naturally in fossil fuels, and is released into the atmosphere through burning. It also evaporates easily, which is why mothballs are so pungent, and though low levels won't harm you there is some concern that high doses can damage red blood cells. In addition, naphthalene has bio-accumulative properties, which boils down to mean too much in the environment is a very bad thing indeed.
Mothball alternative
Mix up cedar chips, rosemary, mint and peppercorns, add cedar oil, and finish off by sprinkling in a little dried tobacco. Store in your cupboard, and be safe in the knowledge that your clothes won't get eaten and the world won't end by your selfish hand.
Sort out your sheets
Chances are your bed sheets were manufactured using bleach to make them so nice and white, which is bad for the environment and the future of the human race. In future, go for bedding made from natural fibre that hasn't been treated so you need sunglasses just to look at it. We guarantee you'll sleep easier.
Deal with dust
OK, it might be tempting to tool up with a household spray once a month, but think of the damage you're causing the environment. We're talking aerosols, for a start, not to mention the fact that most synthetic cleaners contain petroleum - a non-renewable resource. Then you have the problem of how to dispose of the empty canister, all of which contributes to your rising guilt complex.
Green clean
Clean your conscience using olive oil instead of furniture spray, a damp cloth for general surfaces, and a mixture of water/vinegar to give your windows a sparkle 'n' shine.
